TV Guided

I love television. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I really don’t know what I would do without it. I mean, don’t get me wrong; I enjoy a good book, I find computer games entertaining and I adore baking (when my OCD permits me) but to me there is no better hobby than the television.

My enjoyment of TV seems to have started in my early childhood when I used to avidly watch the adverts. I seem to remember my mam once telling me that I only used to stop crying when the adverts came on. I’ve always had a fascination with adverts, perhaps it’s that I want to understand how they work, how do you encourage someone to buy your product with a 30 second idea?

It wasn’t just the adverts, I loved it all, the sitcoms, documentaries, magazine shows and I have spent the majority of my life basking in the glow of that fantastic invention.

When I was about 15 my Dad lent me his ‘media station’ – in this day and age those words mean something totally different but this media station comprised of a tape deck, a radio and alarm and a black and white TV that was about 4x5 inches. It was about the size of a small car engine and was notoriously difficult to tune in (It was a dial, not a series of channel numbered buttons). My Dad then procured me a betamax video recorder to go with it. Now, at that stage Betamax video recorders were pretty much obsolete and getting hold of the accompanying betamax tapes became an epic obsession for me. Many years of scouring car boot sales until I had a healthy collection of about 50 tapes which I crammed with episodes of ‘Cracker’, ‘A Touch of Frost’, old films like ‘The Big Sleep’ and little gems such as the ‘Ghosts’ season of mini dramas from the BBC. I adored that Betamax, even if it chewed up some of my tapes and sometimes the picture rolled as I had lovingly watched each tape so many times. I remember many nights and days, holed up in my room, obsessively watching my tapes – I’m genuinely astonished that I actually did go out and socialise with people at that time, I was so obsessed with TV.

My love affair with television has been a tempestuous one; I jumped for joy when Craig won the first Big Brother (the only Big Brother I really watched) and pledged his prize to charity, I sobbed uncontrollably at David Tennant’s final performance as the Doctor, I shouted angrily and stamped my feet whenever there was a cliff-hanger ending on Eastenders and I would have to wait a mere 2 days to find out what actually happens. I have marvelled in awe at the wildlife of our world and have seen so many unusual creatures. I have watched startling discoveries and science experiments. I have been appalled at some TV shows, hugely offended. I have watched the nation choose people with little talent on talent shows and have marvelled that people with great talent have been dismissed. I’ve spent many hours getting questions wrong on University Challenge and wondering how I ever got through university if I’m so intellectually inept. I have sat through programmes about Fishing and Barges (for which I entirely blame my husband) and have apologised profusely after becoming fascinated by the most banal shows and putting my husband through the pain of having to watch them.

Television is like a drug to me – it’s not always good for my health (mental or physical), it sometimes makes me elated and other times depressed and I couldn’t stop it even if I tried.

I once asked my husband if he would ever ask me to give up television and thankfully he said no. You see, the thing is that if he asked me to give it up – I’m really not sure that I could or would want to. I have given up smoking, alcohol (sporadically and when necessary), chocolate (on various occasions but I’ve currently fallen off the wagon) and caffeine – but ask me to give up television and I would become pretty hostile. If I did give up Television for my husband I daresay you would find me staring wistfully into the windows of Electrical shops or gazing greedily at mute TVs in pubs.

Several months ago we visited my in-laws and, as there is no TV in the bedroom, we usually bring a miniature handheld TV which I got very cheaply a few years ago – I have raging insomnia and I tend to watch TV if I can’t sleep. On this occasion my husband seemed to be under the impression that I had brought it although I’m not sure why as he has always been in charge of it in the past, he had helpfully brought the charger though. Anyway, after the initial ‘I thought you brought it...’ exchange I found myself feeling like a petulant child having their toys taken away. I think I even cultivated a pet lip I was so upset. It wasn’t my husband’s fault, it was an accident that it hadn’t been brought along but I was so upset and angry that I wouldn’t get to watch TV as I tried to sleep. I think that this definitely counts as addiction.

I have found recently that television is my way of actually experiencing various different emotions without having to go through the scenario in real life. I’ve had enough drama in my life and my mental health doesn’t really stretch to allowing me to get involved in stressful situations at the moment. So I use TV as way of letting my emotions out without actually offending anyone...well...unless they are in the room at the time and are offended at sobbing women.

For example, when the Doctor and Rose were separated in Series Two of Doctor Who and she was cast to a parallel universe I was heartbroken. The scene where he says goodbye to her has me in tears whether I watch it, hear the music or even think about it. The fact that they will apparently never see each other again (although we all know where that ended) and they care about each other so much pulls on my heart strings. It’s right up there on the sobometer with ‘Casablanca’ for me.

I won’t spoil the following film for anyone but my friend Ewen will tell you that anyone mentioning the film ‘The Iron Giant’ and the word “Superman!” is guaranteed to make me fill with emotion – seriously, even writing this at the moment I have tears in my eyes. I cried for about two hours after that film and each time Ewen cried “Superman!” it just set me off again.

I cried on awaiting Allie’s decision between Gavin and Finn in ‘Cutting It’ at the end of the first series. I clasped my hands to my chest and only moved to wipe the tears from my eyes so that I could see the screen. Don’t worry, I know that it is not real, but if the actors are skilled enough, watching their emotion is thrilling.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been happy times too...

I obsessively consumed ‘Red Dwarf’, ‘Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe’, ‘Fawlty Towers’, ‘dinnerladies’, ‘Blackadder’, ‘The Mighty Boosh’, ‘Life on Mars’. I have laughed myself silly at ‘Mock The Week’, ‘QI’, ‘Not Going Out’, ‘Rab C. Nesbitt’, ‘A Bit of Fry and Laurie’ etc.

In some ways I miss the old days of watching a TV show bit by bit, now I can go out and buy a DVD and watch it in the space of a day and once spent I feel sadly dissatisfied. I’ve been watching ‘30 Rock’ week by week and in some ways it has been like constantly teasing me which has just made it all the more alluring. I watched ‘The Thick of It’ series 3 week by week and thoroughly enjoyed it. The only problem with this is that I saw the third series of ‘The Thick of It’ before the first two series so now I will definitely watch the previous series, which I have already bought on DVD in anticipation, within a short space of time because I can’t help myself, which somewhat spoils the excitement.

Such is the nature of my addiction that I can quite happily sit through most shows, I’m not a big fan of reality TV and talent shows and I do find that the news, while fascinating, is ultimately quite depressing - doesn't stop me watching them all on and off though. I find some soap operas a bit boring but it still doesn’t stop me from switching them on from time to time and getting sucked in again.

I often wonder if I really should curb my television habit, if I’m spending too much time doing something that may be considered so amazingly pointlessly time wasting by some people. My agoraphobia affects me in such a way that I only really feel comfortable going outside with my husband and with him at work full time I find it very difficult to go out on my own so most of my day at the moment is spent inside. In the flat the TV is a constant feature of my life and I do tend to find that if I watch too much TV I find my worldview is often skewed, depending on what I watch. I often have the TV on while I am doing other things, don't worry, I don't spend all of the day watching TV.

I’ve started listening to the radio more lately and watching shows on the internet but I still see that huge comforting box sitting in the corner of the room, dolefully willing me to switch it on, to see what it has to offer and I can’t help but run my fingers over it’s well worn remote buttons and wonder what delights I am missing. Perhaps I won’t give Television up just yet...