Obscrussions

I think I may have just invented a new word today that completely sums up a feeling I often get that is kind of halfway between an obsession and a crush. Allow me to elaborate...

When I was about 17 I attended a Maths class (yes, ok, I got a D in my GCSE maths and had to resit it - in my defence, in the resit I got a B!) and the teacher of the class was a wonderful guy. He had a great sense of humour and a quick wit and I was totally smitten. Now, this guy was probably in his late thirties or early forties and his fashion sense was not his primary concern but I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. The thing is that, and heres the thing, I had no desire to sleep with him/have any sexual contact etc I just thought that he was wonderful. That's the odd thing about having an obscrussion, you think that the object of the thoughts is fascinating and extraordinary, but you have no sexual feelings towards it/them whatsoever.

Thankfully I don't think that I ever mentioned this strange obscrussion to anyone as they would have mercilessly ribbed me and said 'You fancy him!!!'. No one would have understood that I didn't want a relationship with the man, I was just enthralled by him. Also, I just want to point out that I never did anything about it and I presume that he is still blissfully unaware of my feelings, well...unless he has read this I suppose.

Anyway, that was one in a long line of obscrussions I have had over the years with men, women and objects. It seems that the obscrussions are present regardless of my sexual preference - despite being completely heterosexual I had a massive obscrussion on Kylie Minogue, again - never did anything about it, well, except for buying her singles, albums and wanting to look like her when I was a teenager.

You see, that's the thing, you can never truly convince anyone that you don't want to have sexual contact with the person that your obscrussion is currently based. I used to get the whole 'Oh, you fancy him! You do! You blushed!' when I am still as pale as I have always been, I don't know if I have ever blushed and believe me, I've lived through some pretty toe curling moments during the course of my life.

Having OCD, obsessions are pretty much par for the course for me - intrusive thoughts, obsessing over the tiniest detail, one good reason why I have always seemed pretty competant as a software tester and also, when I came up with this word Io gt so obsessed that I had to write this blog entry - and I have had crushes during my life and so it was difficult to define a feeling that wasn't exactly an obsession or a crush. More like something in between.

I've had obscrussions about the most oddest things - my friend's hair for example...

My friend will remain nameless in this instance as he is, as far as I know, unaware of this strange feeling that consumed me so badly several years ago. I became completely fascinated with his hair - the colour, the shape, the texture. I used to sit in an office near him (oh boy, he is probably going to guess at some point) and every week day I would find myself staring at his hair, wanting to touch it mainly but generally just wanting to look at it. Now, let me assure you that while this gentleman was one of the nicest people I know, I had no desire to be anything other than friends with him. It wasn't an obsession as it didn't occupy my every waking moment or get in the way of my day to day duties and it wasn't a crush as there was no sexual nature to it - it was something in between.

The funny thing is that I go through phases where I become incredibly fascinated with something then I will pretty much drop it like a hot potato. For example, I watched The League of Gentlemen several years ago - I bought the series 1 DVD and eagerly went home to watch it. The very next day I went out and bought the series 2 and 3 DVDs, the Christmas Special and the Live DVD. I bought a T-shirt and for a while it was my hot topic. Then it was Frasier - I watched every single episode, many times, before I dropped that too, in the pit of my discarded obscrussions. At first it was mainly TV shows - Scrubs, Top Gear, Spaced, The Mighty Boosh - then it became TV characters - House (played by the very talented Hugh Laurie), Doctor Who (mainly David Tennant - despite complaining that I 'didn't like the new guy' after Christopher Eccleston I soon found myself buying Doctor Who mugs, watches, going to the Doctor Who museum in Blackpool etc What can I say, I warmed to him), Dr Cox from Scrubs (pretty much summing up my obscrussions on grumpy people in general - also see Edmund Blackadder and Inspector Morse ((I know, I know, what can I say really))).

Anyway, after ruining that sentence I should probably calm down a little but that's the thing, I get ridiculously passionate about something for a very short period of time then before you know it I have moved onto another obscrussion. I've had these feelings about Gordon Ramsay, Charlie Brooker, Richard Hammond when I have absolutely no desire to even meet them in real life - I just want to see everything they have been in on the TV. I don't want to stalk them, I've got far better things to do with my time, I just have a mild obscrussion.

Now, I don't think that I am entirely alone in this as my Dad is very similar. After my parents divorced I lived with my Dad for about 5 years before I came up to Edinburgh to go to university and during those 5 years I watched him go through a number of obscrussions.

At one point, all he wanted to buy was Bonsai Trees - not the real ones I might add but the cute little plastic/glass ornaments. The small house was filled with them, like a mini fake bonsai forest. Then he was all about the bronze, every ornament he bought had to be bronze. Then it was novelty tea pots, then onyx - he must have been a car boot sales traders dream. Oddly enough after that it became hoovers, then TV's, then computers, until his house started to look not disimilar to something from Steptoe and Son. It was always clean but the amount of junk in that house was breathtaking. This led me to think that perhaps it wasn't just me.

For me, my OCD and obscrussions appear to be totally separate. I get obsessed about numbers and the way songs sound and whether the door is locked or the hob is off (seriously, it takes me about 30 mins to leave the house with all of the checks I have to do - and that's on a good day) whereas my obscrussions appear to be totally different.

One of my biggest fears at one stage was that, when I took my OCD meds I was afraid that I would find out that my feelings for my husband were just an obscrussion or obsession as the meds allude to take away or at least ease the obsessions. The obsessions were eased and thankfully my strong feelings for my husband still remain and are definitely not an obscrussion. I love him more every day.

Even with the meds I still have obscrussions though so if you ever see me in HMV, clutching a handful of DVD's at the till - all starring David Tennant or Simon Pegg, be warned that my obscrussions rage on.

And if you see me staring at your hair, heck just take it as a compliment! :)