On the fringe of The Fringe

Every year the Edinburgh Festival comes around in a blaze of enormous posters announcing delights of every kind, all jostling for your attention; every taste seems to be catered for. Whether you like your Classic Shakespeare or puppet shows involving parts of the body or cheeky burlesque shows or raucous comedy or fine art – there’s something for you.

Except, for me, every year it is the same story. Every year I say ‘Next time I’m definitely going to see some shows at the Festival’. This usually occurs just after the festival is finished or at the start of the year. I mention it periodically during the course of the months leading up to around June when schedules are being announced. ‘I’ll take a look at the events sometime soon’ I think to myself. Then, as this year and every year, I suddenly find myself in the middle of August and I have neither seen nor booked anything and by then I just don’t have the impetus to go to anything. I can honestly say that during the entire 15 years I have lived in Edinburgh I have seen about 5 shows in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Which is pretty poor actually when you consider how many shows take place over the course of that month each year.

I can’t decide what it is that most puts me off. I’m not a big fan of crowds, especially after a Faithless gig in Princes Street Gardens. A good friend and I went to see Faithless many years ago and as it was outside and Princes Street Gardens is perilously steep when standing at certain angles, I was precariously placed as it was. The music was playing, the beer was flowing (not for me if I remember correctly) and everyone was having a good time. I was in the thick of the crowd which I wasn’t too happy about but I was coping. Suddenly this guy started leaping around, I mean fair play it was a concert but before long he turned into Zebedee on a trampoline (would that work?) and after knocking into me several times he punched me square in the back of my head. Whether he meant to do this or not makes little difference as the impact sent me sprawling into the crowd and, as I am not the tallest of people, I suddenly became lost in this maze of calves and ankles. Yep, probably doesn’t sound much to the seasoned gig goer but I was scared I was going to get trampled. At first I protected my head then I just got scared and held my arm as high into the air as I could manage as I could hear my friend shouting my name. A hand gripped my wrist then my hand and I was pulled free of the crowd by my friend who put his arm around me and led me to a safe spot. I won’t deny that I said a few choice words about the eejit who caused my pounding head (It wasn’t just the music) but after a wee while I was feeling a bit better and managed to enjoy the rest of the concert. I know this probably doesn’t sound much when you say it out loud but coupled with having my leg stamped on during a high intensity song on the dancefloor of a popular nightclub – I’m not a big fan of being in crowds. If you have ever been to Edinburgh during the festival you will be able to testify that the city is usually crowded with happy people enjoying the festival and that’s great – I applaud the fact that people have actually bothered to make it out, usually in the rain sadly, to enjoy the enchantments the festival has to offer. But for me, I just don’t like being in large groups of people, it makes me feel claustrophobic and the hypervigilance that comes as part and parcel of my OCD gives me sensory overload trying to ensure that everyone around me is ok. I end up feeling exhausted in even a short period of time in a crowd.

The next thing that puts me off is the rain, sounds a bit lame but for some reason it generally seems to absolutely pour down in August. I haven’t had a dry birthday for many years – a few years ago on the way to cinema to meet my friends on my birthday I had to keep sheltering in various places and I was still soaked through when I got to the cinema which was 10 minutes away from my flat. Rain is good, without it we would suffer greatly and I’m grateful for its appearance but its greatest hits seem to regularly coincide with the festival. Even as I type, we have just had days of hard rain and flooding in some areas – I am reliably informed that some rivers are swollen and my husband was wearing inappropriate footwear which has left his feet very wet and I was forced to nag him again to wear his ‘rain shoes’...anyway...I never know which coat to wear when I go out. Do I wear my big rain coat and feel too hot or my little summer coat that although waterproof wont adequately protect most of my body if it were to turn into serious rain. Edinburgh does appear to have a peculiar weather system, I’ve seen it snow, rain, hail, sunshine and the wind to be ferocious all in one day, possibly one afternoon. After googling the weather in Scotland it came up with the phrase "If you don't like the weather, wait twenty minutes and it'll change." And for Edinburgh this is pretty much right most of the time.

Cost is usually another factor in what to see at the Festival. There are so many things to go and see and if you were to go to every event that took your fancy you may end up sorely out of pocket. In saying that, there are some very good free shows on and I can happily say that I attended a free comedy show in the Jekyll and Hyde pub a few years ago. The comedian had OCD too and it was interesting to hear his take on life with OCD – like I said, there something for everyone.

I’ve known people take a week off work in August and spend as much time as possible seeing as many shows as possible. While I think this is a valiant effort, I think I would like to just see a few shows to be able to process what I have seen and enjoy it – quality over quantity perhaps.

There are often some amazing art shows at the festival and I particularly enjoy a good art exhibition. I went to see an exhibition of surrealist art at some point over the past year – I really can’t remember when, that’s what being stuck in the flat does to you, just bends time and makes it seem so fluid so you never really know how long it has been since this and that. Anyway, the exhibition was astounding and there were some truly fascinating pieces. We also went to see an Impressionists exhibition which I thought was ok but I wasn’t as enamoured with that as I was the surrealist exhibition.

Edinburgh is literally bursting with culture, exhibitions, and shows of every kind. It should be able to put a smile on everyone’s face. The thing is, when you live here, after a few years it can become just a bit mundane – perhaps I am just being a grumpy old sod but during the festival, even going to an appointment always takes longer due to the enormous amount of people in the town at that time. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against tourists – Edinburgh’s rich diversity benefits from the influx of people from all over the globe and the tourism brings a lot of money into the capital. However, the volume of people in the city going up means more people on the public transport and more people in the streets generally stopping still right in front of me as I am walking somewhere quickly causing me to almost collide with them. I know, I know, I don’t own the streets and everyone should be able to do what they want with their holidays but suddenly standing still to take photos in the middle of the pavement without realising there are people behind you is something that has gotten on my nerves for as long as I can remember. I’m a courteous person and as polite as it is possible to be without having a meltdown but something within me burns with rage if someone is walking at my pace in front of me and they suddenly stop and due to the sheer quantity of people on the street it is hard to swerve to avoid them without crashing into someone else. Everyone has their Achilles heel and this is mine, I’m so hypervigilant, trying to be as well mannered as possible and show consideration to my fellow pedestrians that if someone is more free and easy with ‘the walking rules’, it truly infuriates me. As you can imagine, even after walking a short distance, attempting to evade the groups of ‘sudden stoppers’ and large groups of people who seem to stop and chat in the narrowest areas of the pavement so everyone else has to press themselves against shop windows to pass (and from inside the shop this can be a strange and compelling sight) and the people passing out flyers not realising my OCD will make me draw my hands in and making me feel impolite for not taking them...oooh don’t get me started!

I think what I am trying to say is that, if you live somewhere for a long time you don’t tend to do the touristy things anymore – if you ever did – and the simple task of getting from one place to another during the festival starts to make you feel irrationally angry with everyone so when I get to my destination I’m generally in a massive grump. I only went to visit the Castle a few years ago! Sometimes it is great to do all the touristy things you can in the city you live, its fun to pretend you’re on holiday :) Perhaps I’m just jealous that everyone seems to be on holiday and I’m struggling to get to the dentists or hospital or to work.

I’ve heard that the Edinburgh Tattoo is amazing; every night during the festival we hear the rush of fireworks over the castle. Once during the festival a friend and I were climbing the mound on our way back to my flat and suddenly the sky was lit up with a multitude of beautiful fireworks, it was a Saturday and the fireworks went on for a few minutes and in the green, blue, red hued light cast over my friend’s face we both smiled and it was such a perfect moment. A moment that makes you feel glad to be alive, glad to live in Edinburgh, glad to live in a city burgeoning with talent, beauty, wildlife, wild night life and entertainment. One day maybe I will go to see the Edinburgh Tattoo instead of being cross when I can’t get anywhere near the Royal Mile during the festival.

Of the few shows I have seen at the festival, some things have really stood out.

Several years I went to a book reading by Rich Hall during the festival. It was held in a small, darkened room and he wandered on stage from behind a piece of cloth that could be called a curtain if I were feeling generous. Rich Hall is an amazingly intelligent and amusing fellow; he was a joy to watch. He spoke to the crowd and talked as if he were talking to us individually. Initially he introduced himself and sat down in the battered comfy looking armchair that had been provided for him. After opening his new book he said dryly ‘Did you think this was going to be a reading out loud?’ before flipping the page and laughing to himself for a moment or two – the crowd laughed heartily and he started talking and the event was thoroughly enjoyable from start to finish.

I saw a truly fantastic play, starring one of my friends, last year called ‘The Dress Affair’. It was a play about prudence and passion, predator and prey, pleasure and pain; it was wonderful. The acting was accomplished and even in the dimly lit room the play oozed seductive style, drawing you in. I smiled, I bit my lip in anticipation, I stifled the emotion bubbling within me – it was truly a breathtaking piece of theatre.

We went to see Ed Byrne during the festival 3 years ago and he asked if anyone was recently married – coincidentally my husband and I had married the previous week. I put up my hand, as did a lady at the other side of the stage. He asked the lady how long she had been married and she said several months. He then asked me and I shouted ‘Five days!’ at which point he proclaimed that while sweet that we were seeing him on our honeymoon, should we not be on holiday somewhere? We never did get around to having a honeymoon holiday, we will at some point. He was actually very nice and asked us a few questions and at the end of the gig he leaned forward into the crowd, as we were only a few rows from the front, and he shook both my hand and my husband’s hand and wished us the best. That actually made my night :)

So you see, there have been several great things at the festival and I would probably have seen a lot more had I organised myself a little better. The fireworks at the end of the festival are always remarkable too. I doubt that I will be going to see anything this year considering my current health and financial status.

Definitely next time I will see some shows at the Edinburgh Festival...